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Suicide reason My reasons list

Leucosticte

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Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
159
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Location
Catlett, VA
#1
See also My suicide wake-up list

My life will be terrible if I don't kill myself.

I have almost nothing to stimulate me throughout the day. The only reason I feel stimulated right now is that I'm working on something (my suicide, and related writings). You know what they say, hope makes a good breakfast but a bad supper. Right now, I feel happy because I plan on dying soon; but what happens when I don't have that hope?

I'm going to be overwhelmed by boredom if I remain on this planet. 90%+ of my time is spent idle. What do I do all day? I rarely even play vidya unless I'm suicidal, so that's one activity that isn't present (although I'm getting bored of the video games in my collection anyway). I need a decent flight simulator, by the way; I haven't been able to find one that isn't copy-protected in a way that I have trouble cracking. Yeah, I know, I could buy one. Maybe I will.

So anyway -- well, look at how low-status I am. Read the VisaJourney thread and how much contempt people have for me, and how they disapprove of my thinking, attitude, decisions, etc. That is the official judgment on my relationship with Meshelle, is it not? That, coupled with how the government treated me, and how they presumably let her off the hook for her obligations.

So, what else is there? I just really can't stand this boredom. And I see no sign it's going to remit.

There's also the issue of Piper. It would be nice if my mom could spend some time with her, but I don't know how that's going to happen, with me in the house. So maybe I need to get out of the way. She's 4 now, so that could be a good age to come visit for a week or two during the summer or something. Not that there's a lot to do around this neighborhood, but my mom could take her places, show her some stuff, etc. My mom is good with kids and with entertaining people in general.

Without a mission, I'm pretty much disabled as a man. I have nothing that would make people want to respect me, or be around me, at this point, because I'm not striving toward anything. Most of the people I hang out with online are broken in some way or another; perhaps we should all catch the bus, but I guess it's not their path. I don't know how they're able to cope. But anyway, with the exception of Robtical, most of the guys I know aren't even all that active on my sites.
 
Last edited:
Joined
Apr 14, 2019
Messages
42
Likes
10
Points
8
#3
See also My suicide wake-up list

My life will be terrible if I don't kill myself.

I have almost nothing to stimulate me throughout the day. The only reason I feel stimulated right now is that I'm working on something (my suicide, and related writings). You know what they say, hope makes a good breakfast but a bad supper. Right now, I feel happy because I plan on dying soon; but what happens when I don't have that hope?

I'm going to be overwhelmed by boredom if I remain on this planet. 90%+ of my time is spent idle. What do I do all day? I rarely even play vidya unless I'm suicidal, so that's one activity that isn't present (although I'm getting bored of the video games in my collection anyway). I need a decent flight simulator, by the way; I haven't been able to find one that isn't copy-protected in a way that I have trouble cracking. Yeah, I know, I could buy one. Maybe I will.

So anyway -- well, look at how low-status I am. Read the VisaJourney thread and how much contempt people have for me, and how they disapprove of my thinking, attitude, decisions, etc. That is the official judgment on my relationship with Meshelle, is it not? That, coupled with how the government treated me, and how they presumably let her off the hook for her obligations.

So, what else is there? I just really can't stand this boredom. And I see no sign it's going to remit.

There's also the issue of Piper. It would be nice if my mom could spend some time with her, but I don't know how that's going to happen, with me in the house. So maybe I need to get out of the way. She's 4 now, so that could be a good age to come visit for a week or two during the summer or something. Not that there's a lot to do around this neighborhood, but my mom could take her places, show her some stuff, etc. My mom is good with kids and with entertaining people in general.

Without a mission, I'm pretty much disabled as a man. I have nothing that would make people want to respect me, or be around me, at this point, because I'm not striving toward anything. Most of the people I hang out with online are broken in some way or another; perhaps we should all catch the bus, but I guess it's not their path. I don't know how they're able to cope. But anyway, with the exception of Robtical, most of the guys I know aren't even all that active on my sites.
i wish i had the balls to kms tbh. guess i'll have to wait for the clock to stop
 
Joined
Apr 15, 2019
Messages
12
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0
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1
#4
It looks like you're gifted. I've met people like that before, they want to do so many things at once.

I can't relate tbh. I'm a slob. If I do one small thing I already feel like calling it a day and playing some 2hou or old game in an emulator while listening to podcasts, or shitposting for hours.

It would be cool to make a difference in the world but tbqh I'm not up to paying the price.

But I think you're being hasty. Things can change. We could need you soon...